Thursday, March 19, 2015
I can't find it! Did I lose it because of my carelessness? Or is it in my belongings and I just keep overlooking it?
Because I so rarely lose anything, I am unprepared to forgive myself. Unprepared to shrug it off, as I would if someone else had lost something of value that belonged to me.
I am struggling.
Unfortunately, I can see I am going to keep circling back, cycling between bewilderment and self-recriminations. And telling myself someone picked it up and needed it worse than I do, that doesn't help.
Even my Christian philosophy with it's reassurance that God has plans for me, plans to profit and not to allow harm to me, I am stubbornly ignoring that. I am going to bed early in hopes to forgive and forget as I sleep.