Sunday, March 22, 2015

Self Care

I am a middle school teacher and Spring Break started Friday at 3:01 PM.  I have immersed myself in time with family, household chores too long neglected, some cooking and extra snuggles with my dachshund.  And tomorrow I will enjoy coffee with a friend.  I will be enjoying travel and leisure time.  However, I need to conduct an important piece of business during Spring Break.  I have been stressing all day about tomorrow.  In the morning I have a routine examination at my doctor's, the kind of exam to which no woman looks forward.

I'm going to go through with it, and know no one will care for my body like I will.  When I was in my 20's and 30's I could play fast and loose with my nutritional and exercise choices.  I neglected my self, took my health for granted, and failed to establish healthy habits.  I saw many of my friends establish these habits.  I have no excuse.

But I wish I had the freedom from inhibitions I had as a kid.  I wish I didn't cycle through humiliation, concern, curiosity ("Am I normal down there?"), and self-loathing.  It only ends to begin again.

Having said, er written that, I will be glad when the doctor says I can put my clothes back on tomorrow.  Eighteen hours to go.


  1. The line "It only ends to begin again" reinforces this inner struggle and the cycle you give words to in the lines above. I also often think of things I'm dreading in the "x hours to go" kind of way. That was a great way to end; and -- at least in this way -- there is an end. Good luck to you!

  2. The WORST. Hope everything goes well. After it's all over, you'll think, "that wasn't so bad!" and Spring Break can truly begin!!! Enjoy your week!

  3. Taking care of you is job one! Don't sweat'll be on the other side and relaxing in the sun (hopefully!!) in the blink of an eye. I always plan something fun after that!

  4. Oh yes, counting down the hours. I hope your appointment goes well. And the doctor answers all of your questions.
    And I hope you feel loved, self-loathing is worst than not exercising. Be kind to yourself.